Tapping Deep Intimacy interview questions
TOPIC: BONDING AND HORMONES
Q: We experience love at its peak during the initial honeymoon period. But the honeymoon is soon over, and many coupes split up soon after. Why is that?
A: Your bonding hormones like oxytocin rise dramatically. In evolutionary biology the purpose we evolved this way is...
Q: Can this cycle be overcome?
A: Yes, but it takes skill. The Beatles refrain ""all you need is love"" is dead wrong. After the honeymoon period, you need very specific skills. Imagine you're flying to NY, and have a choice between 2 planes / pilots…
Q: Tell us a couple of stories of people who used these methods.
A: Josh from Week 1 of our 12 week online course called Tapping Deep Intimacy. Celeste from live workshop. Husband and dishes.
Q: How do you and your wife apply these skills personally?
A: One of the skills we teach is EFT tapping. An evidence-based method for dealing with anxiety, depression, ptsd, and other forms of stress. My wife and I have the Tapping and Talking Rule...
Q: You start the 12-week Tapping Deep Intimacy course off talking about attachment in the first couple of weeks. What is attachment, and why is it so important?
A: The field of psychology uses the term ""attachment"" to refer to these close bonds between people. An infant in an attached relationship craves the company of its caregiver, and experiences distress in the absence of that person. It's clear why human infants evolved to form attached relationships; it keeps them close to their caregivers, and increases their chances of survival. In terms of evolutionary biology, those with a genetic predisposition for attachment were more likely to survive than those without it. The more attached individuals then passed that trait to the next generation, and so on, until attachment became a well-established characteristic of human relationships. In the 1940s, after WWII, orphans, UN, John Bowlby. In the 1970s, the research of Mary Ainsworth differentiated attachment into three basic categories: secure attachment, ambivalent attachment, and avoidant attachment.
Q: What do the three attachment styles look like in adults?
A: Infants with secure attachment grow into adults who tend to report lasting love relationships, while those with ambivalent attachment fall in and out of love frequently, and those with avoidant attachment perceive love relationships as fleeting and rare. Securely attached people are confident and comfortable in long term relationships. They actively support the continuity of the relationship. Avoidantly attached people are usually running away. They distrust love even if they've been in a relationship for years. Ambivalently attached people blow hot and cold.
Q: How do our childhood experiences impact the way we see the world as adults?
A: Childhood experiences cement neural pathways in our brains, including those governing attachment. Up till the age of 6 our main brain waves are slow frequencies of theta and delta. Same as people under hypnosis, dreaming, or super-learning. We don't have the capacity to discriminate. Children mix fantasy and reality. After 6, beta and alpha develop. But till then, we're in a super-learning state, and traumatic experiences during that time can scar us for life.
Q: If we don't get our needs met as children, how does this show up when we're adults?
A: We project those unmet needs onto our partner, and try and get them to meet them. This produces an impossible burden on the relationship and the partner. It's a bottomless pit, since it has nothing to do with the partner. Partner eventually becomes resentful.
Q: Give us an example of how this shows up in sessions with clients.
A: Nancy. University professor. Resented husband for not taking an interest in her career, or going with her to professional conferences. Session on body feelings. Remembered a time at age 5, Walking up steps with mother…
Q: How does our brain react to traumatic events and how does tapping and the other skills you teach in Tapping Deep Intimacy help?
A: How our brain's form ""emotional red tags"" around traumatic events. Why our brains are Teflon for positive experiences, and Velcro for negative events. Then, how to change your attachment style using EFT.
Q: When tapping why is it important to focus on specific events, rather than general diagnoses like anxiety or depression?
A: Global diagnoses are built up as children as as set of specific events. Example, you reach for the cookie, get your hand slapped.
Q: You talk in the Tapping Deep Intimacy course about how our relationships affect our health. Give us an example.
A: Much research showing that happy couples live longer. The Glaser cytokine study.
Q: Is the Tapping Deep Intimacy course for single people as well as couples?
A: Yes, because it predisposes them to approach future relationships in a whole new way. We tend to repeat old patterns. Melody Beatty: Same man, different guy story. Or Kimmie, who picked abusive men time after time.
Q: Can you do this work if your partner is not interested?
A: Yes, there's a whole module on this topic. When one person changes, the dynamic of the whole family changes...
Q: Once people have done the course, how do they change?
A: Couples become free of their old dysfunction. By repeating functional behaviors, they establish new neural pathways in their brains. Eventually the old triggers don't bother them any more. Then, their attention is freed up to truly be with their partner. This is ""presence."" They're interacting in present time, with their attention no longer hijacked by negativity from the past or fear of the future. Being present with each other they have beautiful experiences which support a great long-term relationship. Single people approach future relationships free of the shackles of past conditioning. They're able to bring the gift of presence to new potential partners, and make wise choices. It opens up new possibilities so we aren't endlessly re-enacting our old dysfunction.